Boy what a day it's been...and it's only 9:15 in the morning! Actually, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it is funny enough to break my month+ period of not posting...so there you go. You know it's gotta be at least mildly entertaining! It goes like this: I woke up this morning at my usual MWF time (7:30). I went next door to Raina's room to wake her up and I hear a panicked "Hold on" from inside her room. She opened the door a second later and ran out at me in her typical 'Raina is freaking out fashion". She had a huge cockroach in her room. It's back two legs weren't working right, so it was mostly just sitting on the floor, but we still had no idea what to do. I thought we ought to put it under a bowl...Raina was throwing napkins at it. (The napkins weren't even wadded up. I'm not sure that tactic did a whole lot.) Well, Raina got a styrofoam bowl and threw it on top of the thing, and I gathered up my courage. We got a dust pan from her closet and I slid the dust pan underneath the bowl, just barely catching the bug underneath. It's back legs were hanging out from underneath the edge! Then I ran to the bathroom, dropped the roach in the toilet, watched it swim frantically (ewww!) and then flushed it on down.

After the whole roach incident, I went to the couch in our hallway (her name is Rita), and proceeded to do my Bible study. I guess I was still a little shaken up from the bug incident, because halfway through my study I looked down at my Bible and almost wet myself. I thought there was a bug on my page. Turns out it was just the black clip that I use to hold my place in my study book.

Well after studying my Bible for half an hour, I took a shower and got ready. I walked to class and while I was on my way, felt something on my hand. Thinking it was a hair or something, I casually looked at it. Yeah...it was a giant cricket. WHAT IS IT WITH BUGS TODAY?!? SICK! I sent that thing flying.

When I got to tap class, I started to put on my shoes while I listened to the conversations going on with all the drama kids in there. (Musical theatre majors, gotta love them!) As I started looking around, I began to notice that I didn't recognize anybody. Then it hit me. It's 9 o'clock. I have tap class at 10. I'm an HOUR EARLY! What a dumb thing to do! So, I got up quickly...probably nobody noticed...and came back here.

The verse I've been memorizing lately is Psalm 103: 13-14. It says "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust." I love that last part..."He remembers we are dust." What a huge relief it is to know that God remembers that we are flawed. He remembers that we mess up. We are scared of bugs and we lose track of our schedules and we do, say, and think a million other dumb things. He knew when He created us that we would. He saw this morning of my life long before I was born and He laughed and He created me. He loves me regardless. He loved me enough to give up everything to redeem me. Me the goofball. Praise God!

I hope that your day brings as many blessings to you as this day is bound to bring to me! You are all loved so much!

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend

Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
-Casting Crowns

I have fallen hard...fallen deeply in love. I just got through reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It was AMAZING. It drew me to love Jesus more than ever before. It taught me what it means to be a woman, and how to be truly beautiful and captivating.

For all of my life, I have deisred to be seen, to be admired, to be thought of as beautiful, to be wanted, and to be fought for. I want to know that I am lovely. For so long, I have felt these desires and been embarassed and ashamed of them. I felt like I was wanting too much, so, as much as I could, I ignored my desires. But, now I have new insights.

I was created as a woman. I was created after God's own heart. My desires to be thought of as lovely and to be wanted and fought for are qualities that God gave me on purpose. He did so because He has those qualities Himself. "God longs to be desired. Just as a woman longs to be desired. This is not some weakness or insecurity on the part of a woman, that deap yearning to be desired." I never really understood that until now. I am the way I am because I was created by God to be this way.

I am working on seeking after God in the same way that I long to be sought after. He shows His love for me in so many ways. HE LOVES ME. HE LOVES ME PERFECTLY. HE LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY. HE LOVES ME FOREVER. What an amazing truth that I am just beginning to realize. I want to be complete in Him. I know that He is the only one that can truly make my heart completely happy. I am happy. I am loved. I am wanted. I am a princess.

I want you all to read the one of the last pages of Captivating. Here it is...
      "You are a woman. An image bearer of God. The Crown of Creation. You were chosen before time and space, and you are wholly and dearly loved. You are sought after, pursued, romanced, the passionate desire of your Fiance, Jesus. You are dangerous in your beauty and your life-giving power. And you are needed.
      As a woman who has been ransomed and redeemed, you can be strong and tender. You speak to the world of God's mercy, mystery, beauty, and desire for intimate relationship. You are inviting; you can risk being vulnerable offering the weight of your life as well as your need for more because you are safe in God's love. You labor with God to bring forth life-in creativity, in work, in others. Your aching, awakened heart leads you to the feet of Jesus, where you wait on Him, and wait for Him. The eyes of His heart are ever upon you. The King is captivated by your beauty.
       We need you. We need you to awaken to God more fully and to awaken the desires of the heart that He placed within you so that you will come alive to Him and to the role that is yours to play. Perhaps you are meant to be a concert musician or a teacher. Perhaps you are meant to be a neurologist or a horse trainer. Perhaps you are to be an activist for ecology or the poor or the aged or the ill. You are certainly called to be a woman, wherever else He leads you.
        And that is crucial, dear heart. Whatever your particular calling, you are meant to grace the world with your dance, to follow the lead of jesus wherever He leads you. He will lead you first into Himself; and then, with Him, He will lead you into the world thaqt He loves and needs you to love. It is by Invitation.
         Jesus is extending His hand to you. He is inviting you to dance with Him. He asks, 'May I have this dance...every day of your life?' HIs gaze is fixed on you. He is captivated by your beauty. He is smiling. He cares nothing of the opinion of others. He is standing. He will lead. He waits for your response."

"My lover spoke and said to me, 'Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." (Song 2:10)

David Crowder Band: God Of Creation

It's the way Your stars shine
Sometimes so bright I swear I could hear
It's the way Your moonlight
Falls on this mountain lake so clear
It's the way Your sunshine
Paints Your evening sky and
It's the way Your rain falls
To sing me to sleep at night and
I fall, I fall into You

God of Creation take my breath away
God of the Heavens in this very space

You enter suddenly and I am lost again
Inside the majesty, oh I am lost again
And You come suddenly, 'cause I am lost again
Inside the myster, oh I am lost again
I am lost again
Inside the majesty
Inside the mystery

My Finest Hour...Matthew West

The King of contradiction strikes again.
You said the last to cross the finish line will win
and the beggars will be millionaires someday
and the humble ones are gonna have their say.

Well all my friends are gone now
and all my money's gone now
and all my pride is gone now
and if what You say is true now...

This will be my finest hour.
This will be my finest hour.

Well everything is opposite down here.
The strong survive and the rest just disappear.
But Your philosophy is more unique.
You say I'll be stronger when I'm weak.

This will be my finest hour.
This will be my finest hour.

It's 2 AM and sleepless
I'm wide awake and restless
I don't know what my deal is
I've never felt so helpless

I need you more than ever

No I don't understand it, 
I don't think i'll ever comprehend it
It's so hard to conceive it,
so i guess i'll just believe it

This will be my finest hour.
This will be my finest hour.

That is a great song of peace and comfort to me. I'm not whole yet...God is working on me. It is a PAINFUL process. But God is so good.

"On the other side of nothing is everything." -Rob Estes

Oh, and everyone should have an RA like mine. Someone that will listen to you, hold you, and pray with you when she really is in a hurry and has about a million other things to do is a priceless treasure. In fact, all of my friends are incredible blessings, so much so that I am just now becoming only partially aware of God's amazing touch through their presence. Lord, I love these girls. Thank you so much for them. May I show your love to them always.

"Beautiful" by Bethany Dillon

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Lord, that is my prayer. Increase my faith. Take away my lonliness...fill me with You. Amen